We Need to talk about Sexy Ducks

By on March 9, 2014 in Columns, Uncategorized


Can you picture a world where people looked like their confidence? Where the exterior of a human being would match his/her interior self-confidence, try not to include too many variables. Just as simple as this; you would look like an enhanced, more appealing version of yourself the more you became comfortable in your mindset. Wouldn’t that be a wonderful world? No cosmetic surgery needed, no millions of dollars spent on silicon drenched in capitalism. Just a quick confidence boost and you’d be Megan Fox before a date.

Naturally there is a fault in this logic. Firstly it is circular logic, so just like any other man-made concept; what goes around comes back around. If you love yourself more bit by bit, then you’ll look better and better. The better you look, the more confident you come; and so the cycle goes. However what happens if you start to dislike yourself just by the smallest particle? This sends off a chain reaction in your brain and your appeal will begin to subtract, which then (vice-versa) continues to make you feel degenerate and the clock rewinds. This is now a rather harsh idea that would most likely cause more paranoia than it would satisfaction.

We must also consider the concept of subjectivity. Everything is subjective, technically speaking. The color red will never be the same color in my eyes as in your eyes. So considering this circular logic; each person is individual in the realm of appeal. What I find attractive is not the same as what you find attractive. Therefore how can this circular logic work? This alternative world is not filled with ugly and pretty people, it is filled with animals reflecting their fears and desires. For this system to work we would need a set system of what we define as ‘appealing’ and what we define as ‘unappealing’; a strict template of what is good and what is bad, a world with a fixed moral compass.

But this no longer sounds like a simple system, well that’s because it’s not. I lied.

What does this sound like?

It sounds like today’s society, tbh. Our cultures all revolve around what we have come to terms with and all might find attractive and unattractive. However we don’t accept this, and we should not, due to the subjectivity. Personally I don’t find the male models on Hollister bags very attractive, and isn’t that strange. Biologically speaking, am I not as a female human supposed to be attracted to a male figure that represents all the characteristics of a fertile mate? In biology class my teacher once introduced us to the Sexy Duck theory, the theory that one sexy duck will look for another sexy duck so they can make a sexy duck child. The sexy child now has a better chance of finding another sexy duck to have another sexy child with, when sexy child is of age of course.

But we’re not ducks, we’re humans. We don’t choose our mates based on beaks but rather based on emotional capacities and psychological characteristics that have surpassed the fundamental evolutionary criterion. We are capable of manipulating and analyzing each other with the simple flirtatious glance in a corridor.

This confidence:appeal theory originated from a Firday evening when a girl found herself alone wearing a pair of sweatpants. She was comfortable in them and they made her feel unstoppable. So if Person X is comfortable in her own body, whether it’s due to sweatpants or an epiphany of self-realization; she’s going to feel better à Act nicer à Be appealing in a universal context. Person X is now happier and hence at Zen with herself which will make her a nicer person to be around. And isn’t the universal appeal ultimately the kindness you show to people.

The point being that human beings are objectified on a daily basis, no matter the gender, sex or race. The social media we depend on has made us subconsciously self-obsessed and insecure in an unavoidable way.

If we stopped comparing ourselves to others and instead focused on our own comfort we would be living in a world without a labelled definition for ‘appealing’ and ‘unappealing’ but instead a world with the attribution of happiness=beauty.

Confidence=Beauty. So I lied. The theory does work; the trick is how you apply it.